Getting Rid of Toxic People

Something important I had to do at the start of my healing journey was to release toxic and negative people out of my life. This clearing of toxic individuals is absolutely crucial in gaining the inner peace you deserve and it will help you to progress on your spiritual and healing journeys just as it did for me. As a result, you will notice how drastically your life will change for the better and you will also realize how you couldn’t move forward without doing so.

“Letting go of toxic people in your life is a big step in loving yourself.”

Hussein Nishah

There was a period of time in my life where I thought everything was against me and I was surrounded by people who constantly caused me pain. These people who I thought loved me were uncaring, heartless and did not hesitate to put me down whenever possible. Even when I was at rock bottom, they were relentless, but I still gave in to their constant demands, kept them close and did everything in my power to please them.

After some time, I thought I deserved everything bad that was happening to me and that I was what they said I was; a bad wife, a bad mother, worthless, ugly, useless, pathetic, lame. I remember the way they used to look at me and some just pretended as if I didn’t exist. When you are made to feel this way for some time you actually start believing what they think of you. Their beliefs became mine. Once a confident girl, I started to hate myself, I hated how I looked and I doubted myself and everything that I did. Deep down I knew I was kind, loving and generous, so why was it so hard for them to accept me? What was so wrong with me? 

I felt like a failure and that was exactly what they wanted me to feel. It made them feel good to see me hurt. They blamed me for every single thing that went wrong in their lives and they couldn’t hold an ounce of responsibility for their actions. Yet for some reason I continued to give all of my precious energy to these people in an attempt to convince them that I was worth being around for. Oh how I gave my heart and soul to the people who did not deserve them! This was one of the many lessons I had to learn the hard way. 

Below are some of the signs to watch out for based on what I have experienced personally. I’m not trying to say that every single toxic person carry all of the below traits. Use your own judgement to understand who you surround yourself with and notice how they affect you. 

Main Toxic traits

Constant Takers

• They endlessly take from you, and being the forgiving and compassionate soul that you are, you give in to them. However no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
• You are always making the effort and you are always having to reach out first but they don’t reciprocate.
• Toxic beings love your positive energy and will soak up every single bit of it to feed their negativity. You are usually tired, drained and you don’t feel good after spending time with them. These individuals are also called energy vampires. 

Chronic Liars

• They lie all the time and they can’t stop doing it. Sometimes they are able to convince themselves that their lies are real and will be in denial even when the truth is presented.
• They love to spread rumors behind your back, love to exaggerate and be the center of attention. Watch out for those who also love to gossip and revel in drama. 

Passive Aggressors

• It is very hard for them to convey their feelings to you. When they get angry they will refuse to acknowledge it. From my experience, they bottle all of their anger up until one day they explode in fury because they didn’t know how to communicate their problems with you in the first place.
• They play the victim, sulk and give you mixed messages about what is wrong with them. It makes you feel guilty, you then apologize or you comfort them. In the end, you are giving them the energy they require.

Master Manipulators

• They are usually charming and subtle in the way they manipulate you that most of the time you don’t even realize it. They play on your emotions and are easily convincing.
• They use your kindness, generosity and vulnerability to their advantage.
• You are a pedestal for them to gain control and to do whatever it is they want. They are unable to see beyond their needs only and will use you repeatedly.

Ingratitude

• They are ungrateful for everything you do for them and for all the good things they have in life. 
• They whine and complain constantly and nothing ever seems to make them happy.
• They are pessimistic and act like everything is going against them in life.
• They nitpick on every single thing about you and no matter how hard you try to please them it is never enough.

Big Blamers

• They blame you for everything that doesn’t go their way. Nothing is ever their fault and they shift all responsibility to you or others.
• They are highly irresponsible and are unable to see or comprehend the consequences of their actions.
• They can blame you to justify their actions, especially in front of others to gain sides and to gain attention, with which causes you to feel guilty, hurt or humiliated. 

Patronizers

• They patronize you, they are condescending, make fun of the things you do and make you feel like they are better than you. Sometimes they can come off as if they are joking but deep down they really mean what they say.
• They are overly judgmental and criticize you and others behind their backs. This ‘putting down’ of you and others makes them feel good. 

Heartless

• They are mean and hurtful with their words and actions. They can be abusive, physically and/or emotionally.
• Most of the time, they do not understand why you are hurt nor will they display any sort of emotion or reaction, even when it is stark clear that you are hurting.
• Toxic beings usually lack empathy and compassion and for some of them, they can come off as good-natured and nice on the surface. That’s the dangerous part because they are truly masters of disguise and the reasons why we fall for it all the time. 

Toxic Beings Need Healing

I realized that a lot of toxic individuals I’ve personally come across are incapable of truly loving anyone because deep down they are unable to love themselves. They lack self-love, self-esteem and are constantly using people to make them feel better. No matter how much they take, it is a satisfaction that is only temporary. Some of them may have past trauma, hidden issues and deep emotional wounds that need healing but the sad part is, they are usually completely oblivious to this and will refuse any type of help, because in the eyes of a very toxic person there is nothing wrong with them, ever.

Not only are toxic and negative beings harming others, they are unknowingly harming themselves over and over again. By emitting their poisonous energy, words and thoughts to those around them, the universe will respond in the same way and give it back to them, repeatedly. Energetically, you attract what you give out to the universe (thoughts, emotions, energy, actions, words) and it then becomes a continuous cycle. That’s why continuously surrounding yourself with toxic beings means that you will attract more of these types into your life. Luckily something can be done about this.

I cannot emphasize this enough and it did take me years to realize it myself, that the problem is not with you. We have to realize that fundamentally, toxic beings are on a different path to us and what they really need is deep healing. Can we help them? In my case I couldn’t. I went to all lengths to show them how much pain they were causing me and desperately wanted them to change, but it was to no avail. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go and perhaps one day they will come around on their own and walk down their own path of self-love and healing.

Letting go of Toxic People

Today, I avoid toxic and negative people like the plague. Once you cut these people out of your life, you can begin to attract more positive, loving souls and blessings into your life that are in alignment with your positive energy. You cannot progress in life when you are stuck in a cloud of poison it’s as simple as that! It will be tougher if you are dealing with somebody in the family, your spouse, or just someone you can’t avoid for some reason but always know you can try your best and that you can do something about it.

The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become.

Buddha

Whatever you do, do NOT stoop down to their level and take any sort of revenge or retaliation and the reasons why?

• It’s a total wasted effort on your side
• You may come to regret it years later
• It’s actually not great for your karma.

The best thing to do is to create strong boundaries and walk away. Self-love is knowing when to walk away! 

If circumstances prevents you from doing so, reduce all forms of contact where and when you can (every little bit counts) and you will see that when you finally stop giving them your energy and attention, which is what they thrive on, they will eventually find someone else to leech on.

Please make the choices to distance yourself, protect your energy, create boundaries and say NO when you have to. Remove them from your social media, stop being at their beck and call when you very well know they are using you, avoid the drama and gossip queens. Drop all expectations you have of them and just let them be, then stand back and observe from a new perspective. Ask yourself if this is somebody who cares for you, wants you to be happy and wants the best for you. Trust your gut instinct when you are around people you feel are toxic because it is one of the best warning systems God gave you. You know the feeling you have in the pit of your stomach? Recognize this pit of dread and you will be able to read people and see through them for the rest of your life. Same goes for when you feel somebody is just ‘off’ or feeling uncomfortable and tense around certain people. Sometimes it’s spirit’s way of saying ‘hey watch out with this one!’

Trust your intuition, ask yourself why you are feeling this way and take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Get support from loving family or friends while you create your new boundaries and don’t be afraid to ask for advice and help. I definitely should have done this more often.

Asking the Angels for Help

Ask the Angels repeatedly to release any toxic and negative beings out of your life and they will help you. Over the last 7 years, I have cut every toxic person I know out of my life and I notice that the majority of them just naturally fade away and disappear on their own.

Unfortunately, there are a few I still have to face but I do not cross their paths as often as I used to and in times when I am faced with them, I put up my boundaries and do not allow them to affect me as best as I can. It is still not my ideal situation but the Angels keep telling me to be patient and I know that they are working on something behind the scenes (as they are doing for you).

Just remember to ask the Angels for help as it is so important that you do as it will give them the go ahead to play a more active role in your life. Trust that all will work out and it will. All in divine timing! I wish you lots of luck as you move forward in your life. Start unburdening yourself today.

I hope you have a wonderful day and I’m sending you lots of blessings and so much love! 

Shirley xx